i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
