i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
