good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
