No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
