then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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