if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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