I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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