You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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