She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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