If i come over, it means nothing
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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