i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
