That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
