you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want to make out with him forever
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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