Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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