A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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