Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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