I don't usually arrange sex via text message
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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