Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
