Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize