Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
