capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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