i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
