My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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