Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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