also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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