I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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