Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was like giving head to a cactus.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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