She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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