guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize