Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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