Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
