If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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