i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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