It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
