My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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