I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
