Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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