i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
