Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
