I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
