The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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