tell your sister to shave her snatch
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
