Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
