I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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