Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
