My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
