It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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