pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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