Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
