Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
