Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
