New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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