Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
