u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
