Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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