That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
