you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
