i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
