took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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