I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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