I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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