Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
