What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
