I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
