I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
