I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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