good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize