I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
