I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
