apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
