had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
