I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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